6 reasons why the guy who is fixing your computer hates you

6 reasons why the guy who is fixing your computer hates you

This is a blatant theft of a post. The original is found here:
I read it, and frankly, I loved it.

By my calculations, about 96 percent of all computer repairs are done, not by the local computer guy or the Geek Squad, but by The Friend Who is Good With Computers.
Often that friend is nothing more than an average computer user who knows how to look up error messages on Google, but it doesn’t matter —

Once they become known as TFWIGWC, they will get the call every time something goes wrong. And they will fix it, probably for free, because TFWIGWC pities you.

Still, any time a bunch of TFWIGWCs get together and share their computer repair horror stories, you learn that there are certain things their “customers” do that make them want to ram their head through a wall.

So, before I touch your computer, friend who may or may not do me a favor in return for this free repair job, here’s what you should know:

#6. Future Computer Problems Are Not Automatically My Fault

This computer is yours. You know exactly who has used it. It is in its current condition without any outside interference, especially from me. I, on the other hand, am about to spend several hours of my own time trying to get it back into the condition it was in before you or someone you love screwed it up. So, two months down the line if I get a call from you, saying, “That program you installed messed up my computer.” I will beat you until it causes hydrogen fusion. Or at least I will imagine myself doing it.

This is how it’s gonna go down, chief.

See, the vast majority of the computers I fix are broken because of some bullshit the owner has installed, like Weatherbug, or some program that changes their cursor into an amusing animated kitten. Or, they’ve been playing some online flash game that just funnels in malware as fast as their connection and processor will allow. While fixing your computer I will explain all of this, and talk about how an entire industry of malicious free downloads thrives purely because so many Internet users are trusting souls like you. You believe all men are good at heart, especially on the Internet, so no amount of antivirus warning popups will convince you that the people distributing “Wild Bill’s Poker Roundup” for free want anything but the best for you.

So, I go through and strip out the malware and toolbars and Trojans, then install protection like Malwarebytes or something like it to help block this type of deceptive shit in the future. Then, two months later, I get that call:

“Yeah, I don’t know what you did to my computer when you were here but it’s so slow now that I can mow the lawn waiting for it to check my email. I need you to undo whatever you did.”

At this point I will drive over, again, imagining myself slamming the owner’s dick in his own laptop. Five minutes after I arrive, this exchange will occur:

“Wait, where’s Spybot? The program I told you to leave on there?”

“I uninstalled that. It was messing up my computer. It wouldn’t let me play any of my games.”

But at least you have this fake scanner.

Yes, it was Spybot. Not the programs that I told you would cause the exact problems we’re looking at right now, you impossible dipsh- “Wait, where’s the antivirus?”

“Oh, I got rid of that, too. My cousin was downloading music, and it wasn’t letting him open the files, so we had to get rid of it.”

“Sure, sure. Now, this is going to seem like an odd request, but for this next step, I’m going to need you to take out your dick, and lay it on your laptop’s keyboard.”

Anywhere around the “G” key will do just fine.

#5. Expect One More Person for Dinner

“Wow, I didn’t think it would take that long,” you’ll say as I’m into hour two, removing eight months’ worth of stupid bullshit from your hard drive. “Is it going to take much longer?”

Yes. It’s going to take much longer. Much, much, much longer. Probably. See, the thing is, I have no way of knowing how long it’s going to take me to find the problem. That’s why before I came over here, I canceled all of my plans for the rest of the day.


The only reason I’m not punching you in the neck right now is because I know this ignorance isn’t your fault. Despite owning a computer and probably using one at work, much of your knowledge comes from Hollywood, and Hollywood hasn’t got the slightest goddamn clue what they’re talking about. In movies, everything from hacking the Pentagon to creating Kelly LeBrock can be done in one flurry of keystrokes.

Oh, that reminds me, we’re going to need some bras.

In real life, the same symptoms could be the result of any of three billion different problems. Especially when the symptom is that the computer is “slow.” Or when the thing you’re complaining about only happens once every two days, and never when I’m around. If it’s a result of the malicious software and other bullshit I was just talking about, remember that it’s specifically designed to be hard to remove.

Half the time I’m going to wind up Googling for other people who’ve had the same problem, because none of the standard spyware removal tools will do it. Half the time, my search will take me to a message board and I’ll find this:


User: ComputerGuy

Posted: 8.1.11, 10:24 PM

Subject: Trojan, Malwarebytes and Combofix Don’t Detect It

Body: (Exact description of the same problem we’re having)


User: Admin

Posted: 8.1.11, 10:36 PM

Subject: Re: Trojan, Malwarebytes and Combofix Don’t Detect It

Body: (Request for more information, OS, HijackThis logs, etc)


User: ComputerGuy

Posted: 8.2.11, 8:15 AM

Subject: Re: Trojan, Malwarebytes and Combofix Don’t Detect It

Body: Never mind, I fixed it.


User: Admin

Posted: 8.2.11, 8:29 AM

Subject: Re: Trojan, Malwarebytes and Combofix Don’t Detect It

Body: Issue resolved. Thread locked.


OK, try it now.

You might notice me becoming steadily more frustrated as this process repeats itself eight or nine hundred more times. And you’re making it worse by being the kid in the back seat who’s constantly asking, “Are we there yet?!” I want to make it clear: I have no problem whatsoever bending you over my knee and spanking your ass until you shit blood. Go find a movie to watch, and I’ll let you know when it’s fixed.

#4. Assigning Blame Is Not a Priority

The subject of who is to blame for your screwed up computer is sure to come up. There are a couple of reasons — one, some people, usually douche bags, live in a world where everything is somebody’s fault. The computer can’t just break. Somebody has to have broken it. Nothing “just happens,” right?

But other times it’s just that whoever’s computer I’m working on wants to make sure I know that they didn’t screw it up. It’s, “I told my son not to install that Firefox thing.” Yes, Firefox broke your computer, not the 27 “free screensavers” websites that each came with their own toolbar, or the hundreds and hundreds of sketchy porn sites.

“Yeah, but you were shopping on eBay the other day!”

But the focus here should not be on blame — I don’t want to hear how stupid your wife is. It needs to be on repair and preventative action, so that we don’t have to go through this again. And by “we” I mean “I.” And, the thing is, there’s a good chance you’re not going to want to hear why your computer is actually in this condition. At least not from me. Let me talk to your son in private, and you’ll be a much happier person. I’ve tried the direct route with parents before about their teenage son’s porn use, and how he’s not old enough to know to keep to the reputable porn sites, and it never, ever ends well.

“Bobby?! He wouldn’t do that. He’s a good kid.”

“Yep. He’s also a teenage boy with a volcano full of dick-related hormones that require an outlet.”

“OK, what’s the cup fo- OH MY GOD!”

“I know my son, and he wouldn’t. Maybe a hacker did it.”

“Yes. A hacker, out of the blue, decided to break into your computer and place temporary files onto the system in the hopes that a repairman would see them and then report them to you. Evil hackers have it in for your son, and this is by far the best way to do it.”

But even that isn’t as bad as when there is no kid involved at all. Then I have to figure out which spouse has the poop fetish. Saying the wrong thing to the wrong person can cause an instant rift in a marriage. But saying nothing at all means that the activity will continue the second I pull out of their driveway. And a month later, I’ll be getting the blame for the computer’s relapse. “You know, eBay sure does have a lot of popups for shemale porn sites these days.”

Respect peoples property.

Respect peoples property.

AGAIN my bicycle has been stolen, wich causes a slight conundrum.
The problem being, getting the kids to kindergarten seeing as our car is in the shop, but we can solve it
by having my lady take the bus to work and ill use her bicycle.

However, it irks me tremendously that people really dont think about the consequences of their actions
towards their fellow man. Ok, its a bicycle, its not the entire world right?

But what if I am really dependant of that bicycle to puzzle up my life and my transportation?
Do you really care? Probably not, because if you did, you probably wouldnt have stolen the bike in the first

So, what causes someone to steal a locked bike? It couldnt have been desperation, because then this
someone would have looked for an unlocked bike. The lock wasn’t cut in place, seeing as there are no
parts of it around, so my guess is that they lead the bike away and then cut the lock. So desperation is
out of the question.

That leads to someone WANTING the bike. But why? It wasnt one of those high end ones that costs
a fortune, rather it was pretty much a low end one that suited my purpose. So, I am proably not very far
off in guessing that whoever took it, took it because it was the one you could take with the least amount
of sound.

The one who stole it will most likely ever read this, I am pretty sure that this person doesnt sit around
reading blogs, but hey: Think your actions through each time and what the consequences of them could
be, both for yourself and for your fellow man and ask yourself, are you OK with that?

I would dare to say that you would feel better about yourself at the end of the day.

Not really anonymous…

Not really anonymous…

I am a member of quite a few forums and on mostly all of them
I see the same pattern.

People going on with vehemence regarding someone else’s
views on sex, religion, child upbringing, technology and
whatnot. And when I see this, I can’t help to think
“Who is this person really?” and the second question “Does
that person really behave like this in real life?”

The answer of course, is no. It appears that just because
insults are flung over the net, they are considered by the
one throwing  them, to be harmless. The same thing is the
trolls of the net. They throw in some outrageous comment
that is so up the walls that you cant help to laugh about it,
but still, some people take the bait and feed the trolls need
for attention and the cycle goes on.

Why does this occur? Well, my own belief in this, wich of course, isn’t a scientific fact in any way
and subject to change if proven wrong (take that all you messerschmidts of the net) is that
since no reference of the real person is given, they have the posibility to vomit all this
bile all over some other poor forum visitor without fear of repercussion.

Let me dispel you of that notion right away.

When you visit a site, ANY site, you leave a footprint in the log. Let me give you an example from
one of my own sites
Note that **Hidden URL** wich is something I edited. – – [06/Mar/2011:08:32:17 +0100] “GET /robots.txt HTTP/1.1” 404 358 “-” “Mozilla/5.0 (compatible; YandexImages/3.0; +http://yan$ – – [06/Mar/2011:08:35:41 +0100] “GET /micke/main.php?g2_itemId=2205 HTTP/1.1” 404 362 “-” “Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 7.0; $ – – [06/Mar/2011:08:37:55 +0100] “GET /gallery/albums/upload/thumb_close.jpg HTTP/1.1” 404 385 “http://**Hidden URL**/forum/in$ – – [06/Mar/2011:08:37:59 +0100] “GET /gallery/albums/upload/thumb_close.jpg HTTP/1.1” 404 385 “http://**Hidden URL**/forum/in$ – – [06/Mar/2011:08:46:35 +0100] “GET /gallery/albums/upload/thumb_close.jpg HTTP/1.1” 404 385 “http://**Hidden URL**/forum/ind$ – – [06/Mar/2011:08:46:39 +0100] “GET /gallery/albums/upload/thumb_close.jpg HTTP/1.1” 404 385 “http://**Hidden URL**/forum/ind$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:10:30 +0100] “GET /?cat=5 HTTP/1.1” 304 – “-” “Mozilla/5.0 (compatible; Exabot/3.0; +http://www.exabot.com/go$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:21:06 +0100] “GET /danman/?m=201010 HTTP/1.0” 404 355 “-” “Mozilla/5.0 (compatible; Yahoo! Slurp; http://he$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:22:48 +0100] “GET /robots.txt HTTP/1.1” 404 358 “-” “Mozilla/5.0 (compatible; Googlebot/2.1; +http://www.goog$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:22:49 +0100] “GET /~zutgorak/?p=474 HTTP/1.1” 404 11294 “-” “Mozilla/5.0 (compatible; Googlebot/2.1; +http://$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:46:53 +0100] “GET /robots.txt HTTP/1.1” 404 352 “-” “Mozilla/5.0 (compatible; Ezooms/1.0; ezooms.bot@gmail.$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:47:15 +0100] “GET /gallery/albums/upload/thumb_close.jpg HTTP/1.1” 404 385 “http://**Hidden URL**/forum/index$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:47:16 +0100] “GET /gallery/albums/upload/thumb_close.jpg HTTP/1.1” 404 385 “http://**Hidden URL**/forum/index$ – – [06/Mar/2011:09:47:19 +0100] “GET /gallery/albums/upload/thumb_close.jpg HTTP/1.1” 404 385 “http://**Hidden URL**/forum/index$

Now, neither of these lists very much in itself, but I can see the ipnumber, I can see wich site they
came from using a hyperlink and so on, and its fairly easy to deduce things from it.

This site that the log is taken doesnt really require you to log in, but If it did, I could match an the
login with various things and using geolocation and other tools, you could dig up a lot of information.
On top of that, if you have been careless and entered an e-mail adress in several places and
maybe even, god forbid, have your real name embedded in it, you can get quite far.

You want the ONLY real way to be anonymous on the web?
Simple.. dont be there.

Googling is a waste of time

Googling is a waste of time

You hear me? It’s a waste of time! How so? Well let me explain it a little bit.
I am not talking about using Google correctly, but rather they way that people
today tend to use Google. The company itself is a huge success and albeit it has
had some flops (Google Wave, anyone?) it has all in all created a suite that
has made the former software giants tremble in their boots. Kudos to em I say!
But, the term “googling” has surfaced for a reason. It is used instead of “searching”.

That in itself is a testament to the impact Google has had on the common mind.
I am not sure wich searchengine that delivers the most accurate search results
and I really dont mind scrolling a little to find whatever I am looking for, however
what I do hate is blaring ads everywhere that takes away my focus from what I am
doing and that is why I started using Google way back when. Yes, I use it myself.

However, with Google a few negative things has come into play.
First out, the Googlebrains

Now, for some reason these people are the biggest timewasters on the planet to anyone
who has ever worked where URLs are involved. First off they seem to think that Google
actually IS the internet. Well, here is a newsflash. Its not. Internet is older then Google.
Second, Google may be a big, even the biggest, company regarding the ‘net but it doesnt
control it unless you let it.

Now, here is a pet peeve. Googling a URL.
DONT! It is a major time waster. Someone sent you the URL for a reason and most likely
that reason is for you to save time, instead of locating the correct URL, they simply handed
it to you. And here are the 2 scenarios that takes place:
1. You click the URL or paste it into the adressbar of your browser and voila! You are on the correct page.

2. You browse to www.google.com,
copy the link, in some cases even painstakingly type the URL into the search bar and hit “search”
You find something that resembles what you look for, click it, and ends up at another page that
was not the one you needed/wanted and you do the whole procedure again.
Stop it already!

Google really should have educations in “Using searchengines 101” or at least push this URL more:

Now, imagine this: You are on a tight schedule, you are just about to leave, and you work
with telephone support for this or that product, and you know that the correct answer
is on a short and handy URL.

Stressed as you are, you hand the URL to the caller and you can actually HEAR how this
person uses google for the URL, then reads out loud on a vastly different topic. If you are
lucky, it may be on the correct domain, but totally wrong information. so, you have to do it
over and over again. Instead of a 2 minute conversation, you end up having a 15 minute
conversation and STILL have to explain the why and how of the question at hand and you
have missed your bus home.

Welcome to the real world.

I think I have got most out of my system now, but I may break out more on this
when my mood goes sour.

Ya all take care now.


Wasn’t the URL clear enough for people? Take a look at this:


Antipiracy = terrorism?

Antipiracy = terrorism?

The torrenttracker/site swebits is down. Most of you who tend to use this site has most likely noticed
the nice sign at the door regarding first, a DDoS attack and then faulty hardware in servers abroad
wich makes it a little harder to fix.
Heres a swedish article about it: http://www.expressen.se/nyheter/1.2349481/fildelningssajt-har-lagts-ned

And just like the terror organisations in middle east, out comes Henrik Ponte’n and claims responsability.
To me, its a little similar to the movie “Life of brian” and the different
liberations groups that’s there and that they all take responsability
for the actions perpetrated.

Nowhere was there any “proof” that anti piracy firms are involved in this
and despite this, Henrik alledges that “The owner of the site has gotten
nervousdue to resent events” Now, correct me if I am wrong, but
wouldn’t the correct time to be nervous be around the time of the
#spectrial where Henrik so prominently figured?

I can understand that this man is a mouthpiece and it is his job to be,
but seriously somewhere, someone will have to draw the line.

Now, Henrik, I ask you: Has anyone on the swebits team been arrested,
that was actually on that team, or simply some poor sap with the hardware
to be a good seeder?

Has there been a seizure of the actual server hardware? and the million
dollar question: Have your “team” filed a claim against Google yet?

Of course there is propaganda involved in this. Do not be mistake, this is a kind of war that is being fought online, between filesharing activists and monetary interrests and unfortunatly, the casualties in this war is freedom of speech and personal integrity.

Personal integrity has already been locked up in a dungeon and has been severly beaten, to the point
of actually be in a coma and needing life support, but sofar, freedom of speech has managed relatively
unscathed… unless you count a few anal gangrapes…

Controlfreaks with power

Controlfreaks with power

So, I guess that you have noticed the changes that takes place on all the services that enables you to stream media from their sites. I am talking about Spotify, Youtube and similar services that used to be great, but is in the range of “OK” services.

Why has it lowered itself in my opinions? Well, censorship naturally.
How often havent you made a list on youtube that you liked with various clips and after a few days, this list has been totally cut asunder due to the fact that you live in a region where this clip is not allowed to be shown?

You would think that the exposure that the artist and companies gets via the Youtube movie might be worth something, after all, its free PR, but no, apparently we are to be controlled as to what we are allowed to see. On top of that, there are services that are not even dependant on uploading from users, such as spotify, where lists get thrown off just because this month, this tune is removed and so on and so forth. What the hell? After all, spotify is actually a legit service and in a large part RUN by the same record companies that owns the copyright to this particular song.

Now, I can understand some of it, as in if people upload entire episodes of TV shows, or entire movies, but
what the hell? Removing things for the sake of being able to? Isn’t that really just another form of abuse?
There is a fair use policy, and I can understand that part aswell, where you only use parts of a song or
stuff like that, but let me give you a very good example.

There is a pretty popular oriental kids show, probably japanese but I am not sure, called “Pythagoras Switch”
They made their own little hit with The logical march, you can google it if you wish, and a friend of mine, Physica
together with one of his friends, made a complete remix of the logical march into a techno thing, and uploaded
it to youtube. Basically the video was cut to shreds, audio transformed and the original credits was still intact
BUT it still got removed. Why? Because they could.

There needs to be a change in how copyright is upheld and how it is to be maintained and soon.
Pirate parties are springing up in several nations and that alone should tell the companies that
people are getting sick and tired of being run over for the sake of profit when it comes to creativity.

Just my thoughts.