Offensive title ey? Well, it really has a purpose. Im starting to feel
the bile rise again and its time for another rant. This time its against
WoW players with less brain then a slug. I dont really know how many
of you that reads the comic “Looking for group” I highly recommend it.
You can find it here: Looking for Group
Anyhow, everytime I mention this comic, the reply is in 95% of the time
“Oh! That WoW comic with an elf and a minotaur and an undead warlock”
And everytime I hear that or something similar it sets my teeth on edge
and i start to grind em. Now, Blizzard may be a good company, but seriously
lets take a step back and analyze some.
Ok. There’s an elf in the comic, there are elfs in WoW, hence Blizzard created
elfs. Sound bad? To me it does. Heres an excerpt of Wikipedia.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This article is about the small mythical creature.
For other uses, see Elf (disambiguation).
An elf is a creature of Germanic mythology. The elves were originally
imagined as a race of minor nature and fertility gods, who are often
pictured as youthful-seeming men and women of great beauty living in
forests and underground places and caves, or in wells and springs.
They have been portrayed to be long-lived or immortal and as beings of m
Following J. R. R. Tolkien’s influential The Lord of the Rings, wherein
a wise, immortal people named Elves have a significant role, elves
became staple characters of modern fantasy.
 Etymology and Germanic origins
The English word elf is from Old English ælf (also ylf), from a
Proto-Germanic *albo-z, *albi-z, whence also Old Norse álfr, Middle
High German elbe. In Middle English, until the 14th century,
elf was the masculine, while the corresponding feminine was elven
(Old English ælfen, from *albinnja).
You see that? 14th century?! I dare you to prove to me that blizzard was
doing business back then, and I am NOT talking about the natural one
where you get minimum 3 feet of snow (To all you brits, 3 inches is NOT
a lot of snow) So, we now know that blizzard didnt create elfs. Whats funny
is that Dungeons and Dragons, wich was as big or bigger hit then WoW
contained elfs, but still, the comic isnt called “DnD comic”
Lets move on.
In the comic you have Crush who is a minotaur.
This is where I raise my hand and say “Shut the hell up and let me finish”
Ok, I am not entirely sure when the first mentioning of a minotaur
surfaced, but i do lknow that it was in greece. Heres some wikipedia info again.
After he ascended the throne of Crete, Minos struggled with his
brothers for the right to rule. Minos prayed to Poseidon to send
him a snow-white bull, as a sign of approval. He was to sacrifice
the bull in honor of Poseidon but decided to keep it instead
because of its beauty. To punish Minos, Poseidon caused Pasiphaë,
Minos’ wife, to fall madly in love with the bull from the sea, the
She had Daedalus, the famous architect, make a wooden cow for her.
Pasiphaë climbed into the decoy in order to copulate with the white
bull. The offspring of their coupling was a monster called the Minotaur.
Nowhere has the essence of the myth been expressed more succinctly
than in the Heroides attributed to Ovid, where Pasiphaë’s daughter
complains of the curse of her unrequited love: “the bull’s form
disguised the god, Pasiphaë, my mother, a victim of the deluded
bull, brought forth in travail her reproach and burden.” Literalist
and prurient readings that emphasize the machinery of literal
copulation may intentionally obscure the mystic marriage of the
god in bull form, a Minoan mythos alien to the Greeks.
The Minotaur, as the Greeks imagined him, had the body of a man
and the head and tail of a bull. Pasiphaë nursed him in his
infancy, but he grew and became ferocious. Minos, after getting
advice from the Oracle at Delphi, had Daedalus construct a gigantic
labyrinth to hold the Minotaur. Its location was near Minos’
palace in Knossos.
So we established that Blizzard didnt create elfs. Will anyone
dispute me if I say that Blizzard isnt the creators of greek mythology?
I sure as hell hope not, because IF you do, go back to school, tell them
that you are not at the average level in history and have them enroll you
as a freshman again. What are you waiting for. Go!
Lets dissect the undead warlock then.
What is an undead. Well, simply put, its an animated corpse.
In this case, a corpse imbued with magical powers.
Lets turn again, to wikipedia for some knowledge (Hey, I know it might not
be correct at all times, but its correct in more cases then most single humans)
Undead is a collective name for beings that the superstitious
believe are deceased yet behave as if alive. Undead may be spiritual,
such as ghosts, or corporeal, such as vampires and zombies.
Undead are featured in the legends of most cultures and in many
works of fantasy and horror fiction.
Bram Stoker considered the term “The Un-Dead” for the original
title for his novel Dracula (1897), and its use in the novel
is mostly responsible for the modern sense of the word. The
word does appear in English before Stoker but with the more
literal sense of “alive” or “not dead,” for which citations
can be found in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Stoker’s use of the term refers only to vampires, and the
extension to other types of supernatural beings arose later.
Most commonly, it is now taken to refer to supernatural beings
which had at one time been alive and continue to display some
aspects of life after death, but the usage is highly variable.
Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley’s novel Frankenstein, or the
Modern Prometheus introduced a new variant of undead,
the dead brought back to “life” by science, though Frankenstein’s
creature bears some similarity to a golem.
Similar works include H. P. Lovecraft’s short story
“Herbert West—Reanimator” and the Re-Animator film franchise
inspired by the story.
Both legend and popular culture discuss various methods for creating
undead creatures. Most involve the reanimation of a corpse, as with
zombies, skeletons, and ghouls. Regarding ghosts, the spirit
lives on after death, forming an intangible physical body that
often mirrors the one the spirit had in life. Rituals propitiating
the uneasy spirits of the dead were a feature of ancient Greek religion
(keres) and ancient Roman religion (lemures).
In some cases, the undead, especially skeletons and zombies, are under
the control of a necromancer. In other cases, such as zombies as
depicted in film and vampires, the undead existence is passed on like
a curse or disease. With liches, the powers of undead are sought after
by the participant of a magical ritual that turns them from a living
being to a lich. Ghosts are said to be kept in their undead state
by willpower, either from a keen desire to remain with the living or
from a wish to see something completed that they could not do during
Creation of Zombies
Zombies are a part of Voodoo, a religion which originated in Haiti
and Western Africa. The necromancer — known as a Bokor — selects a
victim. The Bokor placed a cocktail of poisonous substances, most
notably pufferfish. Over a course of a couple weeks, the victim would
assume a death-like state, and be buried, only to be dug up by the Bokor.
The victim, suffering from brain damage, would seem to many to be a
reanimated corpse. This process is assumed to work because of the
brain damaging properties of the poison. However, a substantial
specimen has yet to be found.
What? Blizzard didn’t create the undead ?!? I didnt know that, or rather
i did, but it seems that the rest of the world dont.
I could do this all day, but you get the picture.
Now, lets sum this up in as few words as possible.
If World Of Warcraft is your only reference, read some frigging books
(for once, in the service of knowledge)