Light of my life

Have you noticed how in these times we seem to take for granted
things that we really hold dear and cherish, but we simply dont have
the time to care for them as much as we want to?

Well, I have been blessed and cursed at the same time with this damage
to my larynxes. I have been able to spend a lot of time with my son, time
that I never would have had without the damages. It also gave a lot of time
in reflecting on life itself. I dont claim to be a guru or anything, but in my
humble opinion, life is what you make of it, just make sure that you have
good times and love along the way.
David is both a cause of joy
and grief for me. Grief because
I really have a hard time standing
high pitched voices, and a childs
scream is almost outside the
hearing range, note the almost.
But also, I really cant imagine
what life without him would be.

I am not really what I myself would
consider to be ideal parenting material.
I have my flaws as much as everyone
else on this planet, but I would atleast
like to think that my son appreciates me
with my faults and everything, despite
me having a hard time standing his squeels
of anger when he doesnt get what he wants.

David is of course, a much photographed
motif in our little household, and the
images ranges from “Ooooh so cute”
to “look at that little monster” and I
figured id share some with you.

Lately, David started signing with his hand when he wants something, pretty much the
same way that you or I would call a waiter for an additional order or the check, I am
not really sure where he picked it up, but I know when I saw it for the first time.

I was eating some crisps, sitting in front of my computer as always and suddenly this little
hand came up right in front of my eyes. I thought it wasnt more then a little gesture that
he wanted a kiss on the finger or similar, so I gave the finger a lil kiss.
Still, the handsign persisted. Oh well, he should grow tired of it soon enough.
So, i grabbed a crisp, moved it to my mouth and HE SNATCHED IT.
Just like that .. YOINKS! Now he has started that sign for pretty much everything
he wants. He peers at the object in question, and raises his hand. like this:

Cute, aint it?

Well, some images just have to be shown because they are so wonderful.
You remember those little cherub booktags that you could get? I got my own.

Recently though, he started to make funny faces at me and his mom. Dont ask us
where they came from, because I never made any (at least to my knowledge)
but he manages to pull off a pretty good “possessed” look when he wants to,
I even photoshoped the next photo for my own sake to keep, and it turned out well.
Heres the original:

I will end this saying this. You all heard me say that ill treat you for a latte
Well, heres what mine looks like when i make em:

Masculinity be damned.

Lets talk about sex. No, this is not some bad attempt to increase traffic its
the same as always, thoughts, ranting and input. Today, in the swedish newspaper
“Expressen” there is an article about “5 sextips for new parents”, the article is
found here:

Now, I am a fairly new parent, and really, lets face it, wich person, male OR female is not
interrested in sex? I know there are asexual people out there, but lets face it, they are
a vast minority. So, I read the article, or rather, watched the slideshow. And it strikes me
All of those things are tips, but the tips in general are in the category of “how the man
should behave to make the woman feel better” and it galls me to no end.

Just aswell as a woman doesnt stop being a sexual being when concieving a child,
neither does the male. The male has to accept that the woman is now mother first
and lover second. No harm in that and I think that most men accept that but what
happens to the male sexuality? Is it taken as “understood” that the male sexuality
receedes(sic?) when he becomes a dad? I know sure as hell that mine didnt. Neither
did it increase. It was at the same level.

The female body goes through an immense amount of changes just after birthing
and the anatomy and physiology changes. It’s natural and as a man I have to accept
that and well, take matters into my own hand so to speak.

But seriously. Why is the male forgotten as a sexual being? Nowhere do you find
articles made FOR women about male sexuality in parenting, nor the desires a
man might have, unless you look into magazines of a more questionable nature.
Am I, in the part of the sexual part, supposed to simply cosset the woman, make
sure that she feels great, but forget my own needs?

Of course there are some men who more or less demands things from their spouse
but I dont want to be one of those. A no means no, and lust is a delicate thing to
work with, as is passion.

From the base of a lot of similar articles ive surmised that the consensus these days
are that after birth, a man is to become sort of a body servant. We are to pamper
the woman, make her feel good, be romantic and then MAYBE, just MAYBE, if she
feels like it, then I might be able to let loose my own libido. It just doesnt feel right.

I dont expect the smoking hot sex, neither do I believe in a single sided sexual
relation, but for the love of pete, when “journalists” writes about sextips, please
try to remember that you are usually 2 people in the relationship, and usually
what makes a man get aroused is very often something different then what gets
a woman going. Is that too much to ask?


Ok, in the neighbourhood where I live there is some extensive restoration
going on for the sewage system. The entire stem is going to be replaced.
Yay, great. But really. Every day now for a week, there has been this huge pump
running pretty much outside my window. It starts at 8 sharp and runs til
16:00 sharp and it makes the whole building I reside in vibrate. Ok, vibration
can be good at times if you catch my drift, but NOT when you have a 1 and a half
year old little tyke that needs to have his lunch nap.

His lunchnap is a respite to me and the longer it is, the better for me, because
that means I can concentrate on fixing some snack for him, take it easy and just
relax for myself at times. As much relaxation that is possible with that noise.

I dont mind the reparations, but WHY oh WHY do they need to make such
an infernal racket?

Numbness of mind

The world is constantly in a state of change and we know that.
Question is, is it for the better or not?

I am sure you all remember your childhood, I certainly
remember large portions of mine, and frankly, I miss
those days, especially now that I am a parent. See,
when I was a kid around 7-10 first of all I had no
worries about child molesters and similar things and
neither did I have a home that spotted physical abuse.

But it seems that these days, all you read is that
this and that child has been kidnapped, raped, killed
in various and horrible ways. Had this always been
happening? And if so, do I really want to know about
it or would I want to stay in a bliss thinking all
is as good in the world as my childhood memories led
me to think? I could be out by myself after dark without
my parents calling the police in hysteria. Does
that make them bad parents or tolerant parents?

Yes, childabuse is a horrible thing in all its guises
and there is no excuses for it. Let me give you an
example. Right now, there is a 20 year old woman
on trial, for helping to beat her own child to death.
Why? Because her new husband didn’t think that this
little 2 year old was saying Thank you! and Please!
as often as he would like. What the hell is that about
at age 2, not all kids have developed a good speech
yet and they put a demand on the kid to behave as an
adult, and if the demand is not followed, the child
is beaten with belts, gets its head held under cold
water, and the assault doesnt even stop even tho at
one point the little girl tells her mom “I love you”
DURING the beating. How heartless can you become?

I have had my share of despair when there has been
sleepless nights and you just wanted to throw the
baby out the window, but thats just it, when those
thoughts occur, at the same time you are horrified
with yourself. How could I even think that. This
is my child that I am carrying.

Is there anything that warrants physically and mentally
scar a child just because it cant meet standards of
adults? Isn’t childhood to prepare you for adulthood
and to train your body and mind while it grows?
At least that was what I thought.

Let me change the subject slightly.
They say that todays news and the information flood numbs
human emotions. Ok, I can agree with that, but what’s to
say that it is a permanent state? I will give you a pretty
good example.

Before David came along, I could read the news without any
emotional attachment, even really serious famine, war,
natural disasters, it didnt really make any large impact
on me. I simply stated that OK, its happened, lets see
if someone can help out. I try to do my share with donations
to various purposes, such as AIDS research and Child Cancer
Fund, and so on and so forth, but nowadays something has

Since David was born it seems that the thick shell
that the news bounced upon was has cracked and
there are some pretty large gaping holes in it. Whenever
the news are about children that in one way or another
is mistreated, threatened, killed etc etc etc, my first
thought is, who would do such a thing. The second thought
is “What if it was David?” I am not a professional shrink,
nor will I state that I am one, but my theory here has
is that when you become a parent, you get more sensitive
when it comes to children, even if the child isnt yours
and you have no emotional attachmen to the child in question.

So, parenthood is a mixture of aches, bruises and smiles.
You get to see your child develop and turn into a new
individual that will learn, laugh, smile and love, while
at the same time you will have sleepless nights, high
screaming and tears shoved at you as a parent.

Like I have it right now. When I get home from work,
my little toddler comes stomping in as high a pace
as his little chubby legs can carry him, and he then
attaches himself to my legs until I try to sit down
and at wich point I have to take him up into my lap
as to not get a sonic blast at me. My goodness those
small things has big lungs and high strung larynxes.

Oh well, thats parenthood for you.


Well, once again it has been some time since I wrote
anything noteworthy or rather, anything that I cared
to post. The reason? Well, frankly I have had a nice
hellish christmas and new year. Let me share it with

It all started 2 or 3 days before christmas really.
David got this “mark” on his back, sort of looked
like he had stood up close to something and scratched
the back, so we didnt really think it was a big deal.

Thing is, that indescribable thing grew! Not that fast
but fast enough that we started to notice it.

On the morning of christmas eve while doing the morning
routine, IE changing diapers and washing up for the
day, we notice that his lil’ belly button is all
goey and inflamed. So, we called a doctor who said
that it was most likely impetigo, but we should
come in the the hospital just to check.

Said and done. We spent a few hours on christmas eve
at the hospital, then we had to get antibiotics.
Well, lo and behold, things went to pot there aswell.
The computer system used for sending prescriptions was
down so we couldnt use the pharmacy in town while it
was open, we had to go to Västerås to get the medicin.

Finally we came home, in time for the traditional “donald”
here in sweden.

Not sure what kind of tradition you guys have, but here
at 3 o’clock they broadcast an old christmas special
made by disney. That, and “Karl-Bertil Jonssons julafton”
is a swedish tradition for some reason.

Anyhow, back to the topic.
So, this impetigo is highly contagious, so you have to
be careful, but you also need to wash the poxes, remove
the scabs and disinfect the surface beneath the scabs
with alcohol. Now, imagine that on a 15 month old kid.

First off, the pox itches and stings. Second,
alcohol on a semi open wound? He screams and
cries like you where torturing him and actually, I feel
like I am, and I really really really dont feel
comfortable with that.

Fine, New Years Eve and New years day, I was at work.
Since I was free for christmas i opted to let the
other guys party in the new year as I usually dont.

Few days into january. The impetigo is back with
a vengeance. From going to large pox on Davids
back and bellybutton, down to virtually nothing
it suddenly flared up and covered most of his abdomen.

Now, I can see that those things itch, its not
that hard either. So, David is really really
cranky and wakes up all the time during the
nights. Now, that makes me one tired dad, but I
can only ride it out.

In case you are wondering what Davids mother are doing
let me tell you this, she is pulling the heaviest
loads during the nightshift, so I can manage my job.
How was your christmas?

The Future Geek

DavidI am not sure if I am supposed
to be proud, or disturbed.

My son shows all signs of
becoming a future techie.
A.K.A “Geek”

I mean. just look at this image.
this is where he found my PS2.

Anyhow, for a while now we have just discarded his grasping for remotes and his
pushing of various blinking
buttons to the standard baby
curiosity. All well and fine. but
I have one of those chassis
that require you to press AND
hold the powerbutton for it to
shut down. Well, the first version of this post is floating around the voidweb somewhere
because he has now managed to figure out that if he holds the button on the computer in
long enough, the lights within
the chassis goes black.

Then we have the fact that he absolutely adores remote controls. He has a little
collection of them already. One from the brand Sagem. A french company, one
Samsung and one Centrum. The centrum is actually an exact version of the
one that we use for the television set. Now, HIS centrum remote isnt HALF
as fun as the one that flips the channels. Well. He just turned 1 and its going
downhill fast.

Yesterday was his first birthday (unless you count the one where he made a
mess coming out of his mother of course) And now his room has gone from
tidy to looking like someone threw a handgrenade inside and closed the door
Heres a little view:

Not so neat now heh grandma?