Been reading a lot of parenting sites, and (what else is new)
I started to think about how pregnancies and fatherhood
is regarded in todays society. And the conclusion is that
there really isn’t much a man have to say about the whole
Let’s use some logic, at least thats what I call it.
- It is the womans body who is affected.
- The woman decides wether or not the child will be concieved.
- It’s not 1 persons responsibility to use contraceptives.
- In some cases the contraceptives doesn’t even work.
- There is a risk that the male is not the real father.
Now, the last one is a little of a hot potatoe, but the risk is still
there. I am by no means saying that all women are unfaithful,
but the male really doesn’t have much choice then to trust the
woman until the child is born. At which point he probably has
adjusted his own thoughts to be a father.
Now, a lot of people will say “Well, he should have just used
a condom” And yes, he could have, but laying all the
responsibility on one person is, in my opinion not fair.
The man COULD have used a condom of course,
but the woman could have helped him remember.
A joke with the punchline of “men have 2 heads, but only blood
enough for one” has been around for like forever, and there is
a grain of truth in that. Once the sexual excitement goes to
a certain point, reason pretty much just flies right out the window
and if a pregnancy is not planned, is it really something that only
one person should think about and be responsible for?
1. Take responsability and support the mother and child.
2. Absent himself.
If he is unwilling, unready, whatever term you want here
to take responsability, he will, in society’s view be a deadbeat
dad, wich amounts to a certain amount of social alienation and
If he however reluctantly, takes responsibility for the child, the
relationship will most likely further deteriorate because of the
males resentment and reluctancy to take himself into parenthood.
Of course, there is abortion, and some males tries to press
and blackmail their partner to do one, but really, is that fair?
No, definetly not, because you as a man really have no say
over your partners body, you are merely “borrowing it” for
a while and really have no claims on it.
Once again, the male have nothing to demand here,
and really, this is as it should be.
This is a tangle of monumental proportions really, because as the society
is shaped now, and with its opinions, “the only acceptable thing” to do is
to face it that you (pardon the pun) screwed up and you are now either
going to care for a child for the next two odd decades, or, forever wear
the stamp of the deadbeat dad.
There is a lot of talk about unwanted pregnancies and how you can
prevent it, but what often is forgotten is that the most of the time
the responsibility is summed up like this:
Ok, girls, make sure you dont get pregnant, make sure that the
boyfriend wears a condom.
But what of the boyfriends? What do they get to hear? Well, what boys
usually hear at the later teens goes in one ear and out the other, might
aswell just admit it, because there’s no denying it, but the stress there
is on STD’s. All well and good but the issue of pregnancy is mentioned
more as an afterthought.
So, lets sum this up a little, because knowing my ramblings I have probably
sidetracked, raved and ranted so much that you couldnt keep up.
Girls, You can get pregnant, keep that in mind.
Boys, you can make a girl pregnant, please remember that.
Both of you: Respect your partner and help your relationship
by not rushing headlong into a pregnancy before you are ready.
Males matures later then girls. Also a fact to keep in mind.
Just because someones biological clock is going haywire, that doesn’t
mean that your partners clock is in sync. Communication is the
key and the vital part is shared responsability for the be or not to be
when it comes to pregnancies.
Girls, it is true that it is your body, you can do with it pretty much
what you want, but does that mean that you have the right to enforce
parenthood on someone unwilling? Is it not in BOTH persons best
interest to be protected and in concensus regarding the pregnancy?
Guys, how you want to do is really your call, but respect your
partner, and talk to your partner about pregnancy, how you feel
and think about it, and regarding contraceptives.
IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BOTH OF YOU TO MAKE SURE!